Planning....after graduation

So far everything I had planned prior to high school graduation managed to fall apart, but then that was just the beginning. It was time to put that behind me, start new, enjoy my college years. Oh if only it was that easy. I could never seem to grasp the idea of living in the moment and embracing what was in front of me. I was once again back to my old habits of planning the rest of my life. I spent the first part of my freshman year jumping from guy to guy. Now that sounds about 1000 times worse than it was. Basically I lived off of the 3 month rule: if I wasn't your girlfriend and/or didn't foresee a serious future with you within 3 months, then it was bye bye baby. Now this continued throughout my freshman year. Then one day as I spent my day at work in the mall, I met him. The man that would change my life, or at least one of them. Let's just call him LH. Now take in mind that I worked in the middle of the mall, so most of my days were spent giving out my number to guys I would never speak to. I don't know why I couldn't just say no, but after a few months, it got pretty annoying not answering my phone. So I made a decision that I would not give any more guys my number, I just couldn't take it anymore. But there I was in the middle of September and my stand was approached by a group of guys. Conveniently they were looking for jewelry and hoping I could help out. I had to admit LH was possibly the most gorgeous guy I had met. Definite attraction from the start. So there I was stuck, unsure of what to do when he asked me for my number. But lucky enough he did it in a way that made it about my work, so I gave him my work number. Clearly I thought I had gotten off the hook, but no. He said he was hoping for my number. Now I had just vowed to not give out my number, but he was so cute I couldn't resist. But this was it, the last one. And maybe the last one I would ever give out. So LH called me a few times here and there, but we never managed to get together, so I figured that was it. But the day I'm leaving for Christmas in Vermont I arrive for my morning shift to find a letter from LH. My co-worker informed me that he arrived around 6am and dropped it off for me. I was beyond shocked, especially because I hadn't heard from him in so long. But basically the letter included an apology and a plea for me to call him. Now how could I refuse? So I called him that day while I was getting ready for Vermont and made plans to finally get together when I got back. And that is where it all started. Our love was instantaneous, amazing and passionate. From the start we both knew it was meant to be, and before we knew it (4 months later) we were engaged. Oh young love, how it consumes us. So there I was again, planning the rest of my life, starting with a wedding. Now the next few months and years would go just the way they should. We growed together, we fought, we made up, we moved in together and we planned our lives and how they would be once we were married. But clearly like life, our relationship turned into a roller coaster ride. And we were on a quick trip down, gaining more momentum with each day. Then it happened, neither of us could take it anymore and we called it quits. But this was good, we needed this. Although we loved each other, we were young and the fighting just wouldn't stop. We needed to be apart and because of the circumstances I was ok with this. That doesn't mean it wasn't hard, but it was right. At least at the time. So we spent some time apart, but then one day LH came back. He declared his love all over and before you knew it we were engaged...again. But this time we were older and wiser, or at least we thought. So I spent my nights planning our perfect wedding, binder and all. I couldn't have been more organized. We booked our wedding and reception site and even put down a deposit. Invitations were ordered and the guest list was made. Then I wake up on September 15th, thinking it was just another day, but I was wrong. It was a day I will remember for the rest of my life. That afternoon, LH left. He walked away from us and gave up on our future. Now at the time, he couldn't even give me a reason. All he could say was that he just couldn't do this. And there I was abandon in our home, broken. What had happened I thought I would never know or understand (years later the truth was revealed). But what I did know, was that once again my plan would never be fulfilled. Everything I had imagined, my perfect life was gone.