Wishing it was all just simple

So the last year has been very interesting for me as far as my personal life is concerned. Prior to last May I spent the last 8 1/2 years in back to back long term relationships. Two engagements and three rings (another guy had bought a ring before he had the chance to propose) later I was single. All I could think of was that I don't know how to be single. But I figured I guess it was time to figure it out. So I decided to date this guy, D, who couldn't handle that we wanted different things. He wanted the relationship and I wanted to keep things casual (first time for everything, right?) So we went back and forth for 6 months, but he couldn't take it anymore. No hard feelings, but it was nice while it lasted. Then it was time to put myself out there again. So I dated GC, then, MM, then JC, then DW, then NG, then JP, I know it sounds like a lot, but typically the range went from 1-4 dates, some great, others worth forgetting. Anyway what I have come to the conclusion (as I should have already known) I hate dating. I hate the uncertainty and I hate the unknown. Before this year, I basically fell into relationships. They were instantanous once we hung out we were together, at least that is what it seems like looking back now. So how do you date? When is the right time to call someone after a date? Do you wait to hear from them first? When is it time to discuss exclusivity? When does the stress of wondering ever end? Unfortunately I do not have the answer to any of these questions, and all I keep wishing is that things could be simple. No wondering, no questions, I wish it was just right.

Where did the time go?

Wow, I can't believe the Spring just managed to get away from me and it is already almost the end of June. So what new's? Lots of things!! I often feel like I haven't even seen my couch in months, which for those of you that know me if unheard of. Before recently I lived for my tv time, literally. Every evening and/or afternoon I was not at work was spent in front of the tv, typically with a yummy snack in hand. But as I vowed in March that it was a time for a change, that is exactly what has happened. Now don't get me wrong, change was not instantaneous. Especially the first month I struggled almost every day. Whether it was in motivating myself to exercise or to skip out on a delicious unhealthy meal or snack. But I did it. I made an effort every day to count my calories, and do some form of exercise. Some days it was just for twenty minutes, while other days it was for an hour and a half. Either way I felt like I was accomplishing something. Now food is another story. I LOVE food. I could eat 24 hours a day and never be satisfied, but I had to figure out a way to balance my intake with my goals. So I cut back on my calories and religiously recorded everything I ate and drank. And before I knew it things finally have been working. I am currently 22 pounds lighter than I was at the end of March!! This is actually the lightest I have been in over 3 years. And you know what one of the most exciting parts of this is....I finally can fit in some of my hottest suits for work!! I know it is crazy, but I have been stuck in a basic boring black pant suit for longer than I can remember. Instead of only have 5% of my clothes that I can wear, I know can fit in 85% of it. Now don't get me wrong, I still struggle every day. I fight temptation and the thoughts of just laying on the couch. Sometimes I win and sometimes I lose. But in the end, it is not a sprint, it's a marathon (that's for you T), and ultimately I WILL WIN!! So my previous goal has been updated, ultimately I would like to lose a total of 37 pounds, so that means 15 more to go! Now if only I could become addicted to running...it would probably be a lot easier to get there :)